At Ease

By: 
Jack Webster
 YEP, JUST AS I SUSPECTED! In the last two columns I mentioned both times that I suspected Lisa (who schedules the column dates at the LIFE office) had an ulterior motive in scheduling me twice in the month of March, especially since the first column’s date line was the same as the first full moon in March and the second column a mere two days BEFORE the second full moon (the blue moon) of March. And everyone knows that the full moon (any full moon) brings out more "crazies" than any normal night. (If you don’t believe me, just ask any bartender and they will tell you some horror stories of the drinkers the night of a full moon.) And then add to that, St. Patrick’s Day with the mischievous little leprechauns roaming around AND April Fool's Day the following Sunday, I just had this weird feeling that she was up to no good! Well, things went pretty well for most of the month... but then sure enough! On the night of the second full moon (March 30), it seemed I heard some  weird noises around the house but could find nothing untoward. Still, occasionally the hair on the back of my neck would stand up as if some strange (evil?) force was in the area. I tried to put it out of my mind and went to bed as usual about midnight hoping for the best but expecting ANYTHING!
        Sometime during the night it seemed I was about half awake with the sensation of floating but blamed it on the third brandy I had consumed to calm my nerves. Then I heard a thud and awoke with a start thinking I had fallen out of bed but no, I was still snug under my blanket so went back to sleep. I woke at about 7:00 as usual and sat up to put my slippers on and things seemed normal as I headed for the bathroom. But no! As I headed straight across the hall to the bathroom I bumped into the wall! This woke me up so I turned on the light and discovered the bathroom to THE LEFT! Knowing this was not as it should be, I turned on more lights... and discovered the entire layout of my house was strange to me! My sixth sense told me that Lisa had finally gotten to me!
    I dressed, got my flashlight, and staggered down a strange hallway and stumbled up a few steps, found the door to go outside and found my car in a strange garage! Got in and drove a block or two and to my amazement I discovered I was in Waseca. Went back to the domicile I had left, went inside and found my name on the door and entered. Sure enough, the same place I had just left -- and lo and behold all of my furniture was also neatly arranged -- kitchen, living room, bedroom and "office/den." Thinking back to a story of my childhood -- and keep in mind I was born and raised in Kansas -- I thought of the similarity of a tornado picking up Dorothy and Toto (near a small town in southwestern Kansas) and whisking them off to the Land of Oz.
Could it be possible that Lisa had called upon her friends of the netherworld, had them mysteriously and rapidly, whisk me off to a "strange city" (not really strange but different) and set me down in a new residence? Seemed unbelievable BUT here I was -- wide awake and in a different location than I had been for the last 47 and one-half years. How she pulled this trick off I may never know... and I am sure she will never admit to it. But here I am, I guess, as a permanent resident of Waseca. I have been here now for three or four days and it seems like a friendly place... I can only hope that she doesn’t turn me over to the "Wicked Witch of the West" as she did poor Dorothy and Toto!
    AFTER MY NERVES CALMED DOWN, and I roamed around a little I find I am now living in a two-bedroom apartment in the Northwest part of Waseca. It is a nice little four-plex, a good landlord, good neighbors and a nice location. I am near most of my needs with groceries, restaurants, gas stations and other run-of-the-mill needs so I am quite happy. As I get settled in and accustomed to my surroundings, I will be ready and waiting for my friends to call on me!
        THANK YOU, LISA, it wasn’t as bad as I expected from you... (just don’t send the Wicked Witch my way)! 

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